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I Was Naked in Public A Lot in College

September 30, 2026 by Shawn Collins

It was the first day or so after I moved into the Cumberland Hall dorm at the University of Maryland when I started hearing about guys from one of the nearby dorms, maybe Chestertown Hall, who would streak through the quad.

I figured it was some tradition that carried over from the 1970s but wasn’t actually happening anymore. And I don’t remember any dorm streaking while I was living in Cumberland.

Some places I was naked at the University of Maryland

But while I was pledging, there was one night when we had to go to the Testudo statue in front of McKeldin Library, and all of us had to strip naked, pose around the giant Terrapin, and sit all over it.

After taking a picture of the undressed pledge class around Testudo, we looked to the pile of our clothes, and they were gone. We had to run naked back to the fraternity house to get our clothes.

Sorry to the students who would rub Testudo’s nose for good luck before an exam. There were lots of naked guys on there before the rub.

Then, during Hell Week, we went to the Sigma Kappa sorority, where we had to wear Speedos under our clothes as part of a pledge activity. After we arrived, we were ushered into their TV room and told to take off all our clothes and run around the sorority house — somehow, this was a sanctioned event between our frat and the sorority.

Again, as we returned to the TV room, our clothes were all gone. Another naked run from the sorority back to our house. We had to run across Route 1 and past all of the bar-goers on the way back.

Naked Stuff After Becoming a Brother

I didn’t really have a choice about stripping naked when I was a pledge. Those were times when we had to do it as part of the pledge class. It was sort of funny and ridiculous, and after a while we just had no shame.

But I was also in my birthday suit in public a number of times after I became a brother in Pi Kappa Alpha (PiKA).

There was a tradition where anytime one of our brothers got lavaliered (a little gold pendant with our fraternity letters on it) or pinned (a pin with our fraternity crest) to a girlfriend, the pledges would kidnap us and tie us naked to the big anchor in front of the Delta Gamma sorority.

I was on that anchor a few times, since I gave lavaliers to two girlfriends and also a pin to one of them. Each time I got tied up, I had to wait for my girlfriend to come and untie me.

Fortunately, this was long before everyone had a camera phone in their pocket, so I don’t think there is any photographic evidence of it.

However, another tradition we had was that pledges would kidnap the fraternity President-elect, and I was that guy for fall 1992. After I was kidnapped and made to drink silly amounts of alcohol, I ended up back in my room in the frat house in nothing but boxers.

I got up to go pee at some point and decided to take a seat because of my booze fatigue, and I was oblivious to a camera in my face as I settled onto the throne. While I was wearing nothing at that point, I ended up angled in a way that the picture was rated PG.

Shawn Collins fall 1992 after pledge skipout

In 1992, I also started up a Greek life newspaper called the Greek Times, and one of the cover photos was a naked brother of mine who had just been crowned the Alpha Phi Silver Sweetheart, and a bunch of brothers stripped him down and brought him to the sorority.

Zuke the Silver sweetheart of Alpha Phi

I am not sure whether using this picture on the cover was the reason this was my second-to-last issue of the newspaper (it was funded by the Panhellenic Association and Interfraternity Council), but I thought it might be a candidate for the Pulitzer Prize for Photography, so I went with it.

It was a fun time while it lasted, but I’ve been happy to navigate the world with clothes on since those days.

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Filed Under: Random Stuff Tagged With: Alpha Phi, Delta Gamma, fraternity, naked, Pi Kappa Alpha, Sigma Kappa, sorority, streaking, Testudo, University of Maryland

I Started a Greek Life Newspaper in College

June 24, 2026 by Shawn Collins

I always enjoyed writing, and the first time I saw my name in print was for my elementary school newspaper. It was just a photocopied publication of maybe six pages, but I loved being a part of it.

When middle school came around, we didn’t have a paper, but we did in high school, and I spent two years writing for the high school newspaper. My articles were mostly about music in high school. I remember one of the articles was all about how outraged I was that the band New Model Army could not tour in the US, because the government thought they were too subversive or something.

Also, during high school, I published a zine called A Silver Lining. It started out as a U2 fanzine, but over time it evolved to cover local punk shows, reviews of records that were sent to me, and cartoons from the guitarist of the Dead Milkmen (we were pen pals).

I also had some features in there. My two favorite items in A Silver Lining were a rambling multi-page letter from Charles Manson and Mad Libs from Evel Knievel. I’d asked Manson what he thought of U2, and he went on about government conspiracies and Abbie Hoffman. The Mad Libs from the legendary daredevil were typical answers, but it was awesome that he sent them back.

Pre-Journalism and College Newspapers

Anyhow, by the time I went to college, I still wanted to write. I started with a major in Pre-Journalism (my first of three majors I sampled), and I headed up to the Diamondback newspaper office at the University of Maryland. I was ready to be the guy writing about music. But they told me they wanted an article about the marching band to see my style, and I walked out and never returned.

A year or so later, I got involved with a newspaper called the Greek Insider and wrote a handful of articles. But that paper closed down after some key people graduated.

That door closing gave me an idea. Maybe I could start up my own newspaper on Greek life at the University of Maryland. So, I pitched it to the Interfraternity Council (IFC) and the Panhellenic Association (PHA) that if they covered the printing costs, I’d handle everything else.

They said yes, and the Greek Times was born.

Birth of the Greek Times

That was the easy part. After the yes, I had to figure out how to put together a newspaper. To that point, all of my college papers had been written on a non-electric typewriter that I’d had from my zine days. I had to figure out how to use a Macintosh SE in the campus computer lab.

Someone told me about a program called PageMaker for laying out the newspaper, but the software was not installed on the computers in the lab. So, I had to use MacWrite II and set the column width to a couple of inches so the pages would have four columns across.

After I entered the content, I’d have to cut each headline and column with an X-acto knife and then paste them onto these big boards. It was a painstaking, imperfect process, but I enjoyed it.

While I liked writing for the Greek Insider, I wanted to do something different. I was interested in a more lifestyle-focused publication. It had fraternity and sorority news, but also a healthy share of fun content.

My first issue of the Greek Times

The first issue featured some typical items like a Greek Week preview, coverage of rush, new Order of Omega members, and Greeks who were recently lavaliered, pinned, and engaged.

But I also added in the results of a student survey on opinions of Greeks from non-Greeks on campus, an advice column, my interview with Joe Jack Talcum of the Dead Milkmen, and a think piece on Cisco (aka Liquid Crack). Plus, there were as many ads as I could fit in there, since I got to keep the ad revenue.

The students liked it, but the IFC and PHA weren’t as keen on the content. They wanted more serious coverage of Greek life.

My second issue of the Greek Times

With issue two, I got more serious by running the results of a sex survey, a hype article on the upcoming IFC Ball, an expanded advice column (all questions were fake and made up by me and given to the advice columnist, Kendra, to answer), “vox populi” (voice of the people) with the question, “What was your worst Spring Break experience,” and coverage of going to the Vous to get drunk on a snow day.

I also reprinted an article to bring awareness to students about date rape.

My third issue of the Greek Times

The second issue had another warm reception by students, and again I was asked to focus more on positive PR for the Greek system.

I said yes, and then put a photo of one of my naked brothers (it was censored) on the cover after he’d been honored as the Silver Sweetheart of Alpha Phi. There was also an article about an acoustic duo called Sean & Dave (my fraternity brother Sean Pelan and Dave Peter, who was in SAE), a full page for the ridiculous advice column, some letters to the editor, a goofy cartoon from a fraternity brother, and an article about Smurfing (writing all over someone when they have passed out).

I did include some serious content… a reprinted article about the legal bias against rape victims.

My fourth issue of the Greek Times

I was getting great feedback from fraternity and sorority members, and again, I got an earful from the Interfraternity Council and the Panhellenic Association.

It seemed like they were losing their patience with me, so I went serious for the next cover and ran an interview with Terry Zacker, the University Director of Greek Life, as well as schedules for fraternity and sorority rush.

But also went random again with advice on killing roaches, a threatening letter from a lawyer about a previous advice column answer, a new advice columnist (my fraternity brother, Aaron Falcione), a breakdown of different types of beer, and another cartoon.

At that point, the plug was pulled on the Greek Times. The IFC and PHA decided to go in a different, more serious direction, and I was pushed out after four glorious issues.

Originally published at https://shawncollins512.substack.com.

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Filed Under: Random Stuff Tagged With: fraternity, Greek Times, IFC, PHA, Shawn Collins, sorority, University of Maryland

Fraternity Away Weekends Were Fun and a Little Weird

May 20, 2026 by Shawn Collins

I was at the University of Maryland for five years and one summer session, but I only went to four away weekends while I was there. During my final semester, in 1993, the fraternity’s finances were a bit unstable, and we didn’t have one.

Hank and Shawn away weekend 1991

We went to Williamsburg, VA, for two or maybe three of them, and also Nags Head, NC. I went with my first college girlfriend for the first two, and then my second college girlfriend for the third and fourth.

Well, in 1991, my date was a future girlfriend, because we didn’t really know each other. We met during Greek Week, and a couple of weeks later, we were headed to Nags Head.

I guess it didn’t really feel that weird at the time, but looking back, it had the potential to be very awkward to go away for the weekend with a cute stranger and rooming with a friend who was also with someone he barely knew.

It was a blast for me. I didn’t have a driver’s license, so my friend, roommate, and good sport, Chris, drove from College Park, MD, to Nags Head, NC with his date riding shotgun, and I was in the backseat with my date.

Before we set out, I grabbed a twelve-pack of beer for the ride, and we had a little backseat party going on. Chris’ date didn’t want any of the beers, so it was all for us.

I’d guess it was somewhere around Richmond, VA, when we were each a few beers or so in, and we started making out in the back. At one point, I looked up at the rear-view mirror, and Chris was glaring at me.

We laughed and laughed and had an awesome weekend.

Shawn and Dan at Away Weekend 1991

Nags Head was my favorite spot, but I also had lots of fun in Williamsburg, VA, when we went there. During one of those away weekends, we went to the Pi Kappa Alpha chapter at William & Mary for a party, and it was cool to meet some brothers at another school.

In addition to having a formal during the weekend, we also spent a day at Busch Gardens Williamsburg riding roller coasters and drinking beers at Das Festhaus.

Beers at Das Festhaus during Away Weekend 1992

It probably wasn’t a great idea to drink many beers and go on amusement park rides, but back then, nothing hurt, and everything was easy.

During the formal in Williamsburg on our 1992 Away Weekend, the remaining guys from my pledge class gathered for a picture. It’s neat to see that moment frozen in time, because I still feel like I am still there 34 years later.

PiKA Away Weekend to Williamsburg 1992

I didn’t manage to make it to a spring break until my final semester, so these away weekends were the best vacations of my year from 1989-1992. So many memories and smiles. It would be so cool to go back for one more day.

Originally published at https://shawncollins512.substack.com.

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Filed Under: Random Stuff Tagged With: away weekend, fraternity, Pi Kappa Alpha, University of Maryland

Frat Boys Scalping Tickets to Pay for Tuition

May 13, 2026 by Shawn Collins

The first time I can remember waiting out for tickets was probably early 1987 for the Genesis “Invisible Touch” tour that came through Maryland in May 1987. I was jammed in my friend Matt’s VW bus with a handful of Pi Kappa Alpha brothers. Matt and I were still in high school.

It was freezing outside as we waited to buy the Genesis tickets at the Hecht’s department store in Laurel, MD. We got paid something like $50 or $60 for the night to buy tickets, and that was huge to me, since I was making around minimum wage as a movie theatre usher.

After that night, it became a regular thing. We’d sleep out on the streets of Richmond, VA, Washington, DC, and various places around Maryland. My brother, Mike, worked with a ticket broker, Ricky (Ticket Rick) Rae, and he would set up the ticket waitouts.

Hank Shawn Bailey and John waiting out for tickets

When I got to college, the chance to sleep out for tickets and make money was a highly sought-after gig. Mike would put up a sign-up list at the PiKA house, and guys would race to get on it. In addition to the nightly pay, we’d also get pizza and beer to fuel us for the nights and days.

This was the era of the big stadium concerts from the likes of Bruce Springsteen, Grateful Dead, Rolling Stones, U2, and The Who. Lots of those ticket waitouts were multiple days, and we’d stay in sketchy areas, where no one else wanted to wait, so we’d get the front spots.

Sometimes, I’d also sell tickets in the parking lots of concerts in Maryland and Washington, DC. That was a whole lot more lucrative, except for the time that I decided to buy a bunch of tickets for the Cure and couldn’t sell any. Those charges hurt when I couldn’t pay off my high-interest credit card.

Grinch selling tickets

Anyhow, those times sleeping out with a bunch of guys from the frat were a good time. There was this one time, there were probably a dozen of us sleeping at RFK Stadium in Washington for the Who.

During the long nights of beers and hanging out, someone came up with a drinking game called Whoville. I don’t remember how to play, but it involved dice and lots of drinking.

When tickets went on sale for U2’s Zoo TV tour, a large group of us again waited at RFK in late April 1992. In addition to the PiKA crowd waiting out, a guy named Redskins Rob brought out ten or so homeless guys to wait in line, as well. Our crew of middle-class frat boys and Rob’s homeless guys became fast friends and partied and laughed for days.

The Washington Post covered the U2 waitout and heralded how University of Maryland students were beating the scalpers.

After an 80-hour ordeal — four nights stuffed in a car, three days breathing bus exhaust, scarfing Cokes and franks, running blocks for pit stops — the three University of Maryland seniors who camped out at RFK Stadium prevailed. They beat the scalpers to U2 concert tickets.

At 8 a.m. today they would be, if all went as planned, first on line at the RFK box office. By 9 a.m. the 52,000-seat stadium will sell out, predicted a Ticketmaster official.

“It’s what you got to do to get good seats,” said Crawford Conniff, 22, stretched out near the stadium among traffic island dandelions.

“We have unlimited time,” said Mike Collins, 22. “If we had a job making 50 grand, we could pay $150 to scalpers.”

Actually, $150 sounds cheap for the $28.50 face-value tickets. Today’s ticket sale for the Aug. 15 concert, one of the summer’s hottest, is likely to ignite an orgy of profiteering.

When the band played Los Angeles, scalpers scored up to $1,200 a ticket for prime seats. In Washington, as early as Tuesday, ticket brokers had stationed students, unemployed and even homeless people at ticket outlets to snap up hundreds of choice seats.

Those scalping days weren’t all glory, though. Sometimes I ran into trouble while selling tickets. I got robbed at both the 1994 Sugar Bowl in New Orleans and a Grateful Dead show in Washington around the same time.

Making a ticket transaction at a Grateful Dead show

After college, I was underemployed for a while and kept slinging tickets whenever I could. I was also trying to make it as a writer, and I wrote up a freelance article about scalping (Diary of a Ticket Scalper) experiences that was mostly a troll. I got paid $100 by the New York Press (an alternative to the Village Voice at the time), and it elicited some angry letters to the editor.

That article caught the attention of worldwide performing artist Citizen Cope years later, and he sent me a DM on Instagram about it. It wasn’t random, though. I often ran into Cope in the 90s, when he also sold tickets on the streets of Baltimore and DC. I still have his first CD, which he sold to me out of his trunk while we were scalping Pearl Jam at Constitution Hall in January 1995.

Instagram PM from Citizen Cope

It’s been years since I sold tickets, but it all came full circle in 2018 when I met actor Robert Romanus, who played ticket scalper Mike Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Shawn Collins and Robert Romanus

“Scalper? Did you call me a scalper? Listen, gentlemen, I perform a service here, and the service costs money.”

– Mike Damone, Fast Times at Ridgemont High

I miss those days of sleeping and selling tickets on the streets. So many fun, long nights with fraternity brothers and strangers. Those hot showers when we got home were so amazing. And so many of us managed to chip away at our college bills because of it.

Ticket Rick passed away twenty years ago. RIP Ricky.

Originally published at https://shawncollins512.substack.com.

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Filed Under: Random Stuff Tagged With: Citizen Cope, concerts, fraternity, Mike Damone, Pi Kappa Alpha, scalper, ticket scalping, tickets, University of Maryland, Washington

Four Important Lessons Learned Outside of the College Classroom

May 6, 2026 by Shawn Collins

All these years, I thought I graduated with a 2.7. That is a lousy GPA as it is, but I was stunned when I came across my college transcript and saw that I had a cumulative GPA of 2.412 on 126 credits.

My semester GPA ranged from 1.0 as a first-semester freshman and fraternity pledge to 2.846 midway through my academic career.

Dad and me at my college graduation

I have my diploma from the University of Maryland, and I walked at the graduation ceremony, so I definitely graduated. But I may have to change my college on LinkedIn to the School of Hard Knocks, given my grades.

Shawn Collins college transcript

But really, it didn’t matter in the end. I was never asked for a copy of my transcript by a prospective employer, and the things I learned in my five years of college classes were largely obsolete by the time I started working with dot coms in the late ‘90s.

While my grades were average, I did learn a lot as an undergrad, though most of it came outside the classroom.

It’s Not What You Know, It’s Who You Know

For most of college, I worked at Campus Recreation Services as a supervisor. While I’d like to say I got promoted after one semester based on merit, it was really because my boss at the time was in the Greek system and he hooked me up as a fellow Greek.

It was an early lesson on the importance of networking.

You Catch More Flies with Honey Than with Vinegar

Our fraternity house would receive many pages of infractions from the city manager after each inspection, which was a major strain on our finances and resources.

One semester, I tried buttering up the city manager by telling him how much our fraternity respected him and how it would be an honor to have him draw the winner for a booze raffle.

After that, our inspections were easier.

To Lead, You Must First Learn to Follow

For most of my time at the University of Maryland, I held various offices and leadership positions within the fraternity, the Greek System, and the university.

I started out running for positions with fewer responsibilities and worked my way up to President of our fraternity chapter. Along the way, I won some elections and lost some, but the key was observing people’s leadership styles and methods.

As a follower first, I developed empathy, humility, and reliability, as well as an understanding of the importance of empowering and recognizing others.

Persistence is the Secret of Success

As a kid, I was always looking for a side hustle, whether it was peddling candy door-to-door, shoveling snow, or selling zines and pictures by mail.

This mindset continued in college when I found out that a newspaper called the Greek Insider was shutting down. I had written for the paper and wanted to continue writing, so I started a new newspaper, the Greek Times.

In addition to being a writing outlet, it was a way for me to make money, since I wasn’t earning enough from my campus job to cover tuition and other expenses.

One problem was that I didn’t know how to put out a newspaper. I taught myself to use a Mac so I could write and print the content, then paste it on a board for the newspaper printing company.

Using a computer seems basic now, but before the Greek Times, I wrote my schoolwork on a non-electric typewriter. The need for higher-quality text and photos forced me to go to the campus computer lab and learn how to use a computer.

Organizing a volunteer staff, writing a lot of content, taking pictures, selling ads, dealing with the printer and their pricing and deadlines, and then distributing all of the papers. This was all on me, and the paper wasn’t happening without all of this.

It was a lot to balance with school, work, being a sorority busboy to earn my meals, and trying to have a social life. It was all worth it because I thrived on learning new skills and on the whole process, from ideas to stacks of freshly printed newspapers.

“I stumbled on the secret of success, and that is persistence… You don’t have to be educated, you don’t have to be talented, you don’t have to be rich, you don’t have to be lucky. It’s available for anyone.

I’m convinced most people don’t fail; they simply stop trying. If persistence is the key to success, how does one be persistent?

I believe, from my experience, the answer to that you must love the process. You must love what you’re doing. Not the success, not the reward, not the bonus, the trophy. None of that stuff.

Just the process. If you love what you do, you have a chance to be successful at it. I think everyone needs to do what they love, or find a way to love what you’re doing.

If you focus on the process, you achieve the goals more often.”

– Jim Bouton, Author of “Ball Four,” Pitcher for the New York Yankees

The classroom was my least favorite place in college. The life lessons in the fraternity were the most valuable, and it was that fraternity house and the people inside of it that I really missed when it all came to an end.

Shawn and Mike

After my graduation party speech and some cheap bubbles

Congrats to all of you who graduated with various accolades and distinctions. But our diplomas were printed on the same paper, and C’s get degrees, too.

Originally published at https://shawncollins512.substack.com.

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Filed Under: Random Stuff Tagged With: college, fraternity, graduation, leadership, lessons, networking

The Night the Fraternity House Went Up in Flames

April 29, 2026 by Shawn Collins

I graduated from the University of Maryland on May 20, 1993, and for the last two years of college, I lived in the Pi Kappa Alpha house at 4340 Knox Road.

The house was far from perfect, but it was home, and I was sad to move out and on to the real world. And then, a month after I graduated, the national fraternity took away our charter and sold the house. It was the end of an era, and it sucked.

“Now you can tear a building down

But you can’t erase a memory

These houses may look all run down

But they have a value you can’t see…”

– “Open Letter (to a Landlord)” by Living Colour

I’d go back to College Park to visit friends, and we usually ended up back on the porch of our old house, drinking a 40 of Private Stock. Some guys would sneak in and do some urban exploring, but mostly we just wanted to visit our old friend.

Sitting on the old steps one last time

That old house had a lot of personality and so many memories from over the years. Sure, there was usually no hot water, and I didn’t have a thermostat in either room I lived in. I lived on beds and couches passed down by guys graduating.

And our house smelled like stale beer, puke, weed, and industrial cleanser. There was no air conditioning, lots of roaches and rats, and the bathrooms were straight out of a crackhouse, but it sure was charming in its own way. Plus, we could see how long the line was to get into the Vous from the front porch.

PiKA in the snow

Even though our chapter, Delta Psi, of Pi Kappa Alpha, had lost the charter in 1993, I held out hope that one day the chapter would recolonize and buy back the house, so we’d all have a place to gather and visit for Homecoming and other occasions.

While there were some bad days there as a pledge, the house held so many good times, smiles, friends, and love. It was too special to just go away for good.

“I’ll tell you this – I’m gonna get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames!”

– Jim Morrison, The Doors

But the house was gone for good on Wednesday, March 29, 1995. A “suspicious fire” tore through the house, and it took about a dozen fire departments and 80 firefighters to extinguish it. That was the official end.

The Diamondback newspaper on March 30 1995

This house, which meant so much to so many for generations, was just gone one day. The whole thing was erased to make way for a generic apartment building for rich kids.

The empty lot at 4340 Knox Road

It didn’t seem real. This house that I was scared to walk into during rush in the fall of 1988, and then, scared again for where my future was taking me, when I walked out for the final time in May 1993. It was just gone like it never existed.

“This is the house we used to live in

This is the place I used to know

This is the house we used to live in

Where I felt I could always go

House that we used to live in

House where I left my heart

House that we used to live in falling apart”

– “House We Used to Live In” by The Smithereens

But it will always be standing there in the hearts of so many of us. RIP Buzz Parker.

Originally published at https://shawncollins512.substack.com.

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Filed Under: Random Stuff Tagged With: fire, fraternity, fraternity house, Pi Kappa Alpha, University of Maryland

I Got Arrested at the Fraternity Pledge Camping Trip

April 16, 2026 by Shawn Collins

It was just weeks after I became a pledge when I saw a sign at the frat house about a pledge camping trip. I’d never gone camping before, so I was pretty excited. Each pledge had to bring a case of beer for the weekend.

We drove from the University of Maryland out to western Maryland at some campsite. There were two other groups there for the weekend, a couple of families with campers and some Boy Scouts.

After getting our tents set up, we started pounding beers, eating hot dogs and hamburgers, and having a good time overall. But as it got late, one of the brothers lashed out at the pledges because we’d run out of beer and food. We brought the beer we were asked to bring and had nothing to do with the food, but getting blamed for stuff that wasn’t our fault was something I was already used to.

Shawn Collins University of Maryland ID

Everyone was drunk, so nobody was driving anywhere to find more food and beer, even if there was anyplace open by then. I went with my dorm roommate and pledge brother, Scott, to wander around, and we decided we’d grab some alcohol and food from a cooler at the neighboring camp.

We came back as heroes with a couple of steaks, some ham, beer, and wine coolers. Brothers were happy, and we went to sleep.

The next morning, we woke up to a bunch of yelling and peeked out of our tent to see a park ranger shouting at some brothers. The campers we’d robbed had reported it, and the park ranger came over to our camp, since he figured the frat boys were more likely to be the culprits than some literal Boy Scouts.

I was ready to keep my mouth shut until the park ranger said that if no one came forward to take responsibility for the theft, our whole group would have to go home. Everyone in our group knew who took the stuff, so I didn’t have much choice but to admit what I’d done.

The park ranger took us to apologize to the victims of the theft, and we did our best to smooth things over. Those people were understandably pissed off, but they said they were not going to press charges.

We were free and clear… until the park ranger said he was going to press charges on behalf of the state. He took us back to the station and told us we were arrested and would have to go to court.

I’m pretty sure he never read our Miranda rights, and he didn’t take mugshots, but we were in the system. He took us back to the campsite and said we’d have to leave immediately. Luckily, a pledge brother had to drive back to campus for his job, so we were able to jump in for the ride.

I got punished for it at a “Pledge Advisory Board,” but then things returned to normal, and I forgot about the impending court case until I checked my mail at the dorm one day and opened a summons to appear in court a few days before Christmas.

My summons to appear in the District Court of Maryland

I was the dangerous combination of arrogant and ignorant, and figured I’d just have to go to court, and it would all go away. I didn’t tell my dad, and I didn’t ask for a public defender until days before. They told me it was too late, and I’d have to defend myself.

I used to watch the old movie Inherit the Wind with my dad, so I figured I had a grasp of the legal system and could do the pro se thing in court.

When it came time for the court date, my co-defendant told me he was going to skip it and go home for Christmas. My pledge educator, Brad, also got a summons to appear, so I asked if he could drive me. He wasn’t happy.

On the day of the case, we got there with minutes to spare, and I sprinted into the courtroom for my case. Flustered and sweaty, I took a seat in the back.

The case before mine was a local teenager who was arrested for the second time for dealing drugs. Judge David Young was conversational and kind with the teen and gave him 50 hours of probation. The judge said he knew this kid was trying to improve himself by getting involved at the local boxing gym.

This was going to be a cakewalk. I’d probably get 10 hours of community service, knock it out, and be done.

But the judge was immediately antagonistic with me for not having a lawyer, and for my co-defendant failing to show. He lectured me for being this kid from the big city coming out and ruining the peace and way of life in the local campground.

I was shaking at this point, and felt like I was going to faint as he read out the sentence. I was going to have to pay $145 in restitution to one victim and another $100 to the other.

Somehow, the food and drinks weren’t the only items they claimed we took. I was also on the hook for some fishing equipment. Now, I did take the food and booze, and that was a stupid thing to do, but I didn’t touch the fishing equipment, and I have no idea how that got included.

Also, I would have to spend the next year completing 500 hours of community service under a Probation Before Judgment (PBJ) ruling, and then my record would be expunged.

My order for probation enhanced

Scott didn’t show, and he would only get in trouble if the police picked him up for something else. That was horseshit, and it reminded me of a Billy Bragg lyric from his song, Rotting on Remand:

I said there is no justice

As they led me out of the door

And the Judge said, “This isn’t a court of justice, son

This is a court of law.”

That was a fun Christmas, as I had to explain to my dad that I needed a ride to see my probation officer and that I’d also need to borrow $245 to pay the victims. The cherry on top was telling him I’d earned a 1.0 GPA after that bad news.

He was angry, and I was miserable. My dad said I should look into joining the U.S. Army, since I wasn’t cut out for college.

It was a tense winter break, and all I had to look forward to was Hell Week before the next semester started with me on academic probation. I did get a letter from one of the guys I’d stolen from, and that made me feel a little better.

Letter from guy I stole food and drinks from

After my visit to the Prince George’s County Probation Officer, I was assigned to work at the University of Maryland Physical Plant on Saturdays and Sundays from 7:00 AM to 3:30 PM, as well as working spring break, summer, etc., to complete my 500 hours before the end of 1989.

This was in addition to working at the campus gym during school, bussing tables at a sorority, and taking a full course load.

It sucked a lot. I was spending each weekend with a bunch of guys who thought it was hilarious that they were getting paid to sleep in their truck while I did all of the work.

It sucked so much that I wrote a letter to the Governor of Maryland, William Donald Schaefer, begging for leniency. He responded that he thought the judge made a fair decision.

Letter back from Governor William Donald Schaefer

I finished my community service hours during winter break at the end of 1989 with a week of “volunteering” at a local nursing home. That was a lot easier than being a garbage man, but pretty sad, too.

I’d also gotten my grades up enough that I didn’t have to join the army, which I really felt good about when the Gulf War broke out in 1990.

Scott didn’t show up for Hell Week and wasn’t arrested in Maryland, so he wasn’t punished at all. And I didn’t even get any of the steak, ham, beer, or wine coolers that night.

I tell this story to people, and they never believe that I got 500 hours for this crime. But you know now, because you’ve seen the documents.

Originally published at https://shawncollins512.substack.com.

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Filed Under: Random Stuff Tagged With: camping, court, fraternity, Gulf War, Hell Week, Maryland, pledge, Probation Before Judgement, restitution, University of Maryland, William Donald Schaefer

My Most Compromising Gen X Photo

April 8, 2026 by Shawn Collins

I don’t think I had a camera in college. If I did, it was rarely used, because I didn’t have the money to get film processed. So, most of the pictures I have from those five years are the fraternity and sorority event photos.

Hank and I at the fall 1988 Pi Kappa Alpha Christmas/Graduation Formal

I have a whole photo album of these types of pictures, but just a handful of non-event snapshots from 1988-93.

Gen Xers like to reminisce about not having cameras around all the time when we were growing up, so we wouldn’t have embarrassing images or even ones that could be a liability in our personal lives.

And yes, it’s a good thing those pictures don’t exist, because we were getting naked a lot in college. I can remember at least half a dozen times when I was in public without clothes on during my college days.

While I was pledging, we were nude a few times, including when we took a bonding photo of my pledge class on and around the University of Maryland Testudo statue (our Terrapin mascot) in front of McKeldin Library. While we posed, some brothers disappeared with our clothes, so we had to make our way across campus completely naked – 30 or so naked guys sprinting in the cold.

And another time, we did a “Love Run” at the Sigma Kappa (?K) sorority. Again, my pledge class ran around naked, but this time in a house full of sorority girls. Brothers stole our clothes as we made our way through the sorority, and we had to run home naked.

As a brother, I ended up getting lavaliered twice and pinned once to girlfriends, and each time I’d be grabbed off the street by pledges and tied naked to the anchor in front of the Delta Gamma (??) sorority. Then the girlfriend would have to come and untie me.

There are no photos of any of these events, as far as I know, but another time, when I was in my birthday suit, I was captured on film, and I didn’t find out until months later.

Shawn Collins fall 1992 after pledge skipout

I was elected President of Pi Kappa Alpha (?KA) at the University of Maryland for the fall 1992 semester. We had a tradition where pledges would kidnap the new president, get them very drunk, and deliver them back to their room many hours later.

After lots and lots of drinks, I guess I passed out along the way. That’s when the pledges “smurfed” me. I think this must have gotten the name in the past because passed-out guys were painted blue. But when I was in college, “smurfing” meant someone was passed out and had stuff written all over them in marker.

Anyhow, I guess I needed to pee after getting back to the fraternity house, so I wandered into the bathroom and dropped my boxers, since I couldn’t stand up straight. Someone snapped a picture and gave it to me months later, when they developed their film. I don’t even remember who took the photo.

Late that night/morning, naked, covered in marker, and having a couple of scraped knees, my phone rang. Some townies had parked in our house parking lot, and we had a tow company that would come by and give a heads up that they were towing cars parked illegally.

I went out to see the tow truck driver, still oblivious to the ink on my body and face, and the driver laughed and asked what the hell I was up to. I looked in his sideview mirror, and my head pounded as I squinted at my messed-up reflection.

It took many showers to get all of the marker off my skin. I think I skipped class the next day, due to my jacked-up appearance and torturous hangover. But I got a cool picture out of it.

Originally published at https://shawncollins512.substack.com.

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Filed Under: Random Stuff Tagged With: college, Delta Gamma, fraternity, Pi Kappa Alpha, pledge, Shawn Collins, Sigma Kappa, Smurfed, sorority, University of Maryland

I Was a Sorority Busboy During College

April 1, 2026 by Shawn Collins

Bundy and Shawn grilling at Theta

I paid my way through college with a combination of a Stafford Loan and working menial jobs. But often, there were shortfalls, and I couldn’t afford some expenses that would come up, like food.

Fortunately, when I was a fraternity pledge in the first semester of my freshman year, I was sent to cover for one of the brothers as a busboy for a sorority. I went there and worked for about an hour and a half, setting up tables, serving food, bussing tables, and cleaning dishes, pots, and pans, in exchange for a hot meal.

After my first semester, I moved into an apartment and no longer had a meal plan, so I had to figure out a way to eat. In addition to being cash poor, there were no grocery stores near campus, and I didn’t have a car.

So, I headed over to the Alpha Chi Omega (AX?) sorority house and asked about being a busboy, and my “will work for food” side hustle got started. Some sororities paid the busboys money in addition to food, but I was just getting food, and that was fine because I was working at my girlfriend’s sorority.

My fraternity house didn’t have a dining option. The story I was told as a pledge was that there was once a kitchen that burned down, and they turned the area into another bar. Whatever the reason, we didn’t have a kitchen, so many of the sorority busboys were my brothers. That was a good time.

That also led to some hijinks, as we would sometimes try to finish early so we could sneak off with some eggs, tomatoes, and stuff from the kitchen and ambush our brothers at other sororities as they left their busboy jobs.

When we weren’t grabbing food from the kitchen to throw at our brothers, we’d also put good food in garbage bags and put the bags outside to take home after we got off. It was a nice, if disreputable, way to get some staples to bring home, since we only had the option to work on weekdays, at lunch, and dinner.

Sometimes, when there was a rush event or something, we’d be put into service as cooks, too. Well, not in the kitchen. We’d be outside grilling hot dogs and hamburgers. It was a lot of fun meeting everyone in the sorority and eating real food, because ramen or mac and cheese without milk or butter got really old.

During my time at AX?, I was voted as the “sweetheart” and got to be on their composite.

Alpha Chi Omega at University of Maryland 1991

The guy who was picked the year before had his name listed with his first initial, and then his middle and last name. That seemed cheesy and pretentious to me, so I figured I’d follow suit and have my name listed as “S. Brendan Collins.” It was a dopey inside joke that only made sense to me, but I enjoyed it.

S. Brendan Collins is a real sweetheart

There were times when the girls would forget we were there, as we worked in the background, and we’d hear some spicy gossip. When dated parties and formals came along, available busboys were default dates for girls who didn’t have one at the last minute.

After a breakup with my girlfriend, it was awkward to continue bussing at her sorority, so I bounced around at some other houses before ending up at Kappa Alpha Theta (KA?) for the rest of college.

The menus were pretty similar at each sorority, and I remember one in particular that I didn’t like was veggie lasagna. It tasted fine, though not as good as lasagna with meat. Without that protein, I would feel hungry again hours later.

Before I started working as a busboy, I was pissed off that I had to work for food in addition to my regular jobs at school, but in the end, I made some of my best memories during those lunches and dinners.

Originally published at https://shawncollins512.substack.com.

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Filed Under: Random Stuff Tagged With: college job, frat boy, fraternity, sorority, sorority busboy

I Started Wearing Fraternity Letters in High School

March 16, 2026 by Shawn Collins

I decided to join a fraternity sometime during the spring of my junior year in high school.

Shawn Collins wearing letters before senior year of high schoolThe town where we lived, Laurel, MD, was a generic strip mall suburb. We lived in the central part of town, a predominantly middle-class area of townhouses, apartments, and run-down single-family homes.

On a typical Friday night, if we weren’t working as cashiers at People’s Drug Store, my buddy Eric would pick me up, and we’d drive some laps around the mall parking lot in his puke green Ford Pinto. The thing was about ten years old, and it was a used heap of junk when his dad got it years before. It ran on hope and the cheapest gas we could find.

Our mission at the mall was to find a townie to buy us a six-pack of Milwaukee’s Best (aka Beast). If we could pull that off, we’d head to Cinder Road, an out-of-the-way street with no lights.

There were usually lots of other kids from our school drinking some Beast and hanging out. A bunch of the cars would be tuned into 98 Rock out of Baltimore, and songs like “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake or “Livin’ on a Prayer” from Bon Jovi would blast across the night.

For some reason, the local cops hardly ever drove through to chase us away. But plenty of guys from our school would slowly drive down the road with a flashlight hanging out on the side of the car to pretend they were the police. That would get everybody scrambling to hide and drink somewhere else.

If Cinder was quiet, Eric and I would check who was working at the Laurel Centre Mall and bug them for a while.

After that got old, we’d head over to Erol’s Video store and maybe pick up Faces of Death III and watch it in my basement as we sipped the now-warm cans of Beast. As the night wore on, we’d turn on the Night Flight show on the USA Network and finish the beers with B movies, like Suburbia or Pink Flamingos.

This routine was so tiring, and I wanted something different. We played soccer and were part of the “in crowd,” but I never felt comfortable there. I wanted something more. This all felt too small for me.

One Friday afternoon, my dad called from work and asked if I could get someone to drive me to the Mid-Atlantic** campus to drop off some food for my brother. He had planned to leave early from his job as a statistician for the federal government, but he got tied up with something. So, he needed me to make the food run for Alex.

I looked at the grocery bags on the kitchen table—lots of cans of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup, Oodles of Noodles ramen, Kraft mac and cheese, a couple of two-liter bottles of Pepsi, and some Utz crab chips.

I called Eric to see if he could drive, and he was excited to make the trip. We lived about ten miles away, but I hadn’t gone to the campus since we dropped Alex off in late August 1986 at his freshman dorm.

He hadn’t been home since Christmas break, and why would he come back except to wash his comforter for the first time that school year and grab some groceries? There was nothing in Laurel for him, and I totally felt the same for me, even though I still had another year of high school.

Alex was living in his frat, Alpha Delta Beta (A?B)*. He’d just become a brother before the spring semester, and I was dying to see if he was living in a busted-up party place like in Animal House.

We were driving along the street looking for the address of the A?B house when a football slammed into Eric’s windshield, and he almost veered into the curb. I looked over, and my brother was laughing with some other guys.

“That was me, jackass. Park that nasty ass car and bring me my food,” shouted my brother.

He was on the porch of a big, white mansion with giant columns on the patio. It was a little run-down and could use a fresh coat of paint, but his house still looked cool. Guys were drinking cups of beer on some ratty couches on the porch. Some others had picked up the football from the street and tossed it around the yard with one hand while gulping their beers in the other.

“With or Without You” by U2 was pumping from speakers hanging on the front of the house. A constant flow of guys streamed in and out of the front door wearing sweatshirts with the A?B letters.

As Alex led Eric and me inside, things got even better. There was a pool table, a beach volleyball court outside, and a big TV room. Alex asked if we were thirsty, and Eric piped up, “Thirsty for beer.” Alex rolled his eyes and said, “Follow me.”

We scurried after him to their basement. “This was our kitchen at one time, but there was a fire,” Alex said, pointing to a large area filled with a bar, a large wooden table, and chairs.

“After the fire, all of the kitchen appliances were destroyed, so they just threw them in the garbage and made a second bar in their place,” he continued.

“So, there is another bar?” I asked.

“No, just a second bar. Of course, there is another bar, you fucking idiot,” replied Alex as we turned a corner and saw this mammoth bar. A sign behind the bar read “End of the World.”

The bar must have been thirty feet long and had beer taps for Coors, Coors Light, and Coors Extra Gold. Sleeves of clear plastic cups were piled in the corner. Guys were leaning against the bar, downing beers. I went behind it with Eric to grab a couple of cups and pour some of our own.

Being in the middle of the fraternity like this was like the soundtrack to Animal House, but for my nose. The smell of stale beer that I grew up liking when I’d go to the bar with my dad on Saturdays, guys wearing too much Polo and Calvin Klein’s Obsession for Men cologne, and the faint smell of weed wafting through the house.

I wanted this.

They had the bars wired with the stereo, too—U2 followed us down there, and “Running to Stand Still” played as I sipped on some Coors Extra Gold. I hadn’t had many beers, but this was easily the best.

Alex told us there would be a happy hour soon, so we needed to leave. Damn, I was hoping he was going to ask us to stay for the frat party.

We headed out of the basement and back to Eric’s car. I looked back at the house, and the big A?B attached to the front, and knew I wanted to be one of them when I went to college. It wasn’t just the parties, although they sounded awesome. It was a place to belong and an identity with a bunch of fun, cool guys. As we drove home, Eric and I talked about our brief peek into the frat life and how cool it looked.

Neither of us could get the frat life out of our minds, so I hitched another ride with Eric to the Mid-Atlantic campus after school the following Monday. We both bought sweatshirts with A?B on them. We were a little scared that the person at the campus store would ask why we were buying them, and we had a whole story about how they were gifts. But nobody said a thing, and we purchased our “letters.”

We told our high school friends that we were junior pledges. Although nothing like that existed, we found a cool identity that was unlike our high school world and went with it.

We would hang out at the campus whenever we could for the rest of high school. We weren’t going to the frat house—my brother wasn’t inviting us. Instead, we were soaking it all in. We bought T-shirts, sweatshirts, and hats for Mid-Atlantic and wandered around while we waited to finish high school.

None of this got me laid or anything. But it got my attention, and I think I probably wanted that more in high school.

*Alpha Delta Beta is a fictionalized name of the fraternity
**Mid-Atlantic State University is a fictionalized name of the university

Originally published at Substack.

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Filed Under: Random Stuff Tagged With: Alpha Delta Beta, fraternity, Mid-Atlantic State University, pledge

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